Friday, May 10, 2013

Slow Learner

Sometimes I feel completely unequipped at navigating the adult world.

In most cultures, being 27 years old and living on your own automatically qualifies you for full fledged adult status. Yet, this morning I sat down for the first time ever and wrote out a budget. It has columns and everything.  

I feel like it shouldn't have taken me 27 years to finally get around to doing this. I feel like real adults have been doing this for years.

From 1, 213 miles away, I can hear my parents shouting,
 
 GODDAMMITADRIENNEHOWMANYTIMESHAVEWETOLDYOUTHIS?????!!!!

[insert head explosions here]

I'm a slow learner. I do things at my own speed, on my own time, and I hardly ever listen to anyone's advice. These are things I'm not necessarily proud of, but if I'm being honest, hey.
 
This is what happens when you Google slow learner. Amazing things. Amazing things happen.

Photo Credit: Cutest Paw

My complete lack of budgeting ability is what I get for taking AP Calculus instead of Math Life Skills back in high school. And it's not as though Calculus was exactly worth it. I can't tell a cosine from a tangent from my left nostril... 

I'd like to think that if I had opted for the real world math class instead of the fancy-pants College preparatory class, I'd be a budgeting goddess by now. I would sit in my money room, surrounded by the mounds and mounds of money I accumulated due to all that budgeting know-how, and I would throw the piles up in the air, letting my fortune rain down on me while maniacally cackling in a fit of greedy insanity. 

I think my impression of rich people is pretty spot on, don't you?

Actually, you know what? I did learn something in Calculus. I take it all back. Vocabulary. I learned vocabulary in Calculus. 

Here are some examples.

As in,  

I loathe my friend Joey for doing better than me on this test in spite of the fact that he showed up drunk to class this morning.

And,
 
As in, 

Hey guys, isn't it ironic that our teacher is the only Jew in a fifty mile radius and her name is Ms. Israel?! 

Silver lining. There it is, I found it. Boom.